observations

1. After sitting in almost complete silence for a few hours, the sound of myself eating chips is almost deafening.

2. I am likely to fail my imminent second qualifying exam. It will be my first major failure in life. I will have another chance to remain in grad school, but failure will stress me out greatly, and will have the following consequences:

a. huge blow to my delicate ego

b. increase in Id, decrease in super-ego (e.g. possible abandonment of hard things like science)
NOTE: I actually think Freud is an idiot.

c. explanation of failure through various pre-qualifier difficulties

(e.g. complete hard-drive failure (happened), full week spent re-analyzing data lost with previous hard drive (true), car going up in smoke thereby stranding me in another town (true), car going up in smoke again the next day thereby stranding me in...nowhere (true), total death of car, and subsequent organization and roadtrip to sell car (happened), husband deciding to buy new car on critical thesis work day, and needing me to help with financing (also happened), car dealership taking as long as humanly possible to do everything, thereby stranding me there (of course)...

but that's only the last couple of weeks.

you know, it probably isn't healthy when I've already considered walking haphazardly into the parking lot of my apartment complex as a car was rushing around a corner (but not too fast, because we are in a parking lot, you see?). The idea would be to get hit just hard enough to break a leg, but conveniently I'd be wearing a helmet to protect my favorite organ (brain). That should easily buy me a few extra weeks to prepare, right?

NOTE: IF the previous event or one similar actually happens, please know that I am joking. I mean, the thought crossed my mind, yes, but I wouldn't actually go through with it on purpose. I generally walk through the street in a daze at 5 am though, so it's possible that it happens without planning.